I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
