so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
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I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
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Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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