I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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