I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize