hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
