Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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