So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
