I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
