we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
