I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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