Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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