Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
