I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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