His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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