Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
