Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
