I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i think my cat just said my name.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
