I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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