I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I checked into jail on foursquare
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
