It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
