Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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