Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
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You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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