last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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