If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
