it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
