Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
