come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
