The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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