watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
