Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
