im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize