wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
