that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
