so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
