it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
