oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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