you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
