I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize