dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
