From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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