Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
