My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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