Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
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WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I love you. Go after that dick
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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