Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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