let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Im part way to drunk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
