my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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