there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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