Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
