Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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