I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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