dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
