Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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