I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
