Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
