went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
