I love black thongs
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
