she was so not down for the gang bang
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
