Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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