Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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