yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
