There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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