did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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