What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
