so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
