So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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