I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
