Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
