That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Swine flu. Run for my life!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
